 | Seasons | Jul 3, '08 6:03 PM
for everyone |
 I'm in a melancholy mood, since the Spring and Summer are passing by so quickly... soon, it'll be Autumn again... another year will pass... But, I've been making the most out of this year... I've been outside every evening, watching the sunset turn to dusk, dusk turn to night... watching the fireflies and the frogs near the pond... it makes me feel whole, yet empty. It tells me and shows me what's missing from my life. Tomorrow is Independence Day. I kinda wish I had some big fireworks, so I could use my camera. I'd absolutely love to take pictures of it... and I'll be sure to post a picture tomorrow with some fireworks (not a picture of mine, of course)... There's a severe thunderstorm nearby right now. I can hear the thunder from it... it makes me feel alive. I can find peace with myself one day, I hope... if I can, I can live my life alone if I need to, and even stop torturing myself. Here's to the seasons, and for whatever may come... Summer nights and long warm days Are stolen as the old moon falls My mirror shows another face Another place to hide it all Another place to hide it all And I'm lost, behind The words I'll never find And I'm left behind As seasons roll on by Sleeping with a full moon blanket Sand and feathers for my head Dreams have never been the answer And dreams have never made my bed Dreams have never made my bed And I'm lost, behind The words I'll never find And I'm left behind As seasons roll on by Now I wanna fly above the storm But you can't grow feathers in the rain And the naked floor is cold as hell This naked floor reminds me Oh the naked floor reminds me And I'm lost, behind Words I'll never find And I'm left behind As seasons roll on by If I should be short on words And long on things to say Could you crawl into my world And take me worlds away Should I be beside myself And not even stay And I'm lost, behind Words I'll never find And I'm left behind As seasons roll on by
 Time for something mushy, for a change... Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick, And think of you Caught up in circles confusion Is nothing new Flashback warm nights Almost left behind Suitcases of memories, Time after Sometimes you picture me I'm walking too far ahead You're calling to me, I can't hear What you've said Then you say go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting Time after time If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting Time after time After my picture fades and darkness has Turned to gray Watching through windows you're wondering If I'm OK Secrets stolen from deep inside The drum beats out of time If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting Time after time You said go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting Time after time If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time Time after time Time after time Time after time
 New Slipknot song... it kicks ass. =) I did my time, and I want out I saw my future...fade It doesn't cut, The soul is not so vibrant The reckoning, the sickening Back at you, the virgin, Pseudo-sick but sick perversion Go drill your gases, Go dig your grave Then fill your mouth With all the money you will save Sinking in, getting smaller again I'm done, it has begun I'm not the only one And the reign will kill us all, Throw ourselves against the wall But no one else can see, The preservation of the martyr in me Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial Oh, there are cracks, in the road we lay But will they ever fill? The secrets have gone mad! This is nothing new, But would we kill it all? Fate was all we had The reason of the mess, We could start over Just look me in the eyes And say I'm wrong Now there's only emptiness, But a message to bring I think we're done I'm not the only one! And the reign will kill us all, Throw ourselves against the wall But no one else can see, The preservation of the martyr in me Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial Fate can not catch this lie, I tried to tell you first Your hurtful lies are giving out Can't stop the killing, I can't help it Is there something psycho? Is this what you want? I'm not the only one! And the reign will kill us all, Throw ourselves against the wall But no one else can see, The preservation of the martyr in me Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial Psychosocial, psychosocial, psychosocial
 My happy Summer song... See the curtains hanging in the window In the evening on a Friday night A little light a-shining through the window Lets me know every thing's all right Summer breeze, makes me feel fine Blowing through the jasmine in my mind Summer breeze, makes me feel fine Blowing through the jasmine in my mind See the paper laying on the sidewalk A little music from the house next door So I walk on up to the door step Through the screen and across the floor Summer breeze, makes me feel fine Blowing through the jasmine in my mind Summer breeze, makes me feel fine Blowing through the jasmine in my mind Sweet days of summer, the jasmine's in bloom July is dressed up and playing her tune When I come home from a hard day's work And you're waiting there, not a care in the world See the smile a waiting in the kitchen Food cooking and the plates for two Feel the arms that reach out to hold me In the evening when the day is through Summer breeze, makes me feel fine Blowing through the jasmine in my mind Summer breeze, makes me feel fine Blowing through the jasmine in my mind
 Sad and dark mood tonight... why is it people around me are happy, and have people they can count on, and even love... when I honestly have nobody? I'm sick and fucking tired of seeing happy people parading around with their meaningless bullshit that does not mean a fucking thing. I wish, and hope, and had faith that one day it'd change... and it hasn't, and it's apparent now it won't. Let's face it, I'm alone. I've been alone for most of my life more or less, waiting and hoping... I give up. I just give up now, I can't take it anymore. It's not worth it. It's not making me happy sitting right here waiting. ... I was wrong. I'm wrong about the things I need most in life. Why am I wrong? Because they don't exist... What really exists? Surely I do, right? No. I don't think I exist, other than a physical shell with a consciousness. This is a Lenny Kravitz song asking the person he's talking to to not give up and to believe in him... well, it's bullshit. Belief in another does not make a single difference. I'm starting to question everything, and my own surroundings. Fear has kept me alive all these years. Fear is what stops me from doing the unthinkable... but is that fear truly real? I don't think so. My mind was making excuses to prevent me from crossing certain lines... well, guess what? I'm purging it from me, like the rest of the things. I didn't mention it, did I? I partially removed emotions and several other things I don't need from my existence... I actually barely feel anything. It's not a matter of strength or will, neither really exists. Your own mind is key... and you can control it and rule it if you choose to... Where's the love we had? When did it go bad? Or am I just insecure? I give all I can Baby I'm your man Tell me what you're in this for Remind me I can't go on I know not what to do My heart is worn I feel as If I'm through Please believe in me 'Cause what I need is for you To believe in me Countless sleepless nights Never ending fights I'm trying to make your dreams come true I will sacrifice to find paradise But I need to know you're behind me I can't go on I know not what to do My heart is worn I feel as If I'm through Please believe in me 'Cause what I need is for you To believe in me I can't go on I know not what to do My heart is worn I feel as If I'm through Please believe in me 'Cause what I need is for you To believe in me I can't go on I know not what to do My heart is worn I feel as If I'm through Please believe in me 'Cause what I need is for you To believe in me To believe in me To believe in me To believe in me
| Believe | Jun 24, '08 11:39 AM
for everyone |
 The new song by the legendary modern rock band, Staind. Me, well, I've been better. Still slightly sick, but nearly fully emotionless now... I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts All I think about is you And so I cry myself to sleep And hope the devil I don't meet In the dreams that I live through Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong Believe in me This life's not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams All the smiles we've had to fake And all the shit you've had to take Just to see us here again I never have the things to say To make it all just go away To make it all just disappear Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong Believe in me This life's not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams It's my life It's my choice Hear my words Hear my voice And just believe I sit alone and watch the clock Trying to collect my thoughts And all I think about is you If you believe in me Life's not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams Believe in me I know you've waited for so long Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong Believe in me This life's not always what it seems Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams
 Another dark song... If you only knew I'm hanging by a thread The web I spin for you If you only knew I'd sacrifice my beating Heart before I lose you I still hold onto the letters You returned I swear I've lived and learned It's 4:03 and I can't sleep Without you next to me I Toss and turn like the sea If I drown tonight, bring me Back to life Breathe your breath in me The only thing that I still believe in is you, If you only knew... If you only knew How many times I counted All the words that weren't wrong If you only knew How I refuse to let you go, Even when you're gone I don't regret any days I Spent, nights we shared, Or letters that I sent It's 4:03 and I can't sleep Without you next to me I Toss and turn like the sea If I drown tonight, bring me Back to life Breathe your breath in me The only thing that I still believe in is you, If you only knew... If you only knew I still hold onto the letters You returned You help me live and learn It's 4:03 and I can't sleep Without you next to me I Toss and turn like the sea If I drown tonight, bring me Back to life Breathe your breath in me The only thing that I still believe in is you, Believe in is you I still believe in you Oh, if you only knew
 Dark song... I caught a chill And it's still frozen on my skin I think about why I'm alone, by myself No one else to explain How far do I go No one knows If the end is so much better why don't we just live forever Don't tell me I'm the last one in line Don't tell me I'm too late this time I don't want to live To waste another day Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made 'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside I don't want to fall and say I lost it all 'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall Leaving pieces of me behind And I feel like I'm breaking inside Out here, nothings clear Except the moment I decided to move on and I ignited Disappear into the fear You know there ain't no comin' back When you're still carrying the past You can't erase, separate Cigarette in my hand, Hope you all understand I won't be the last one in line I finally figured out what's mine I don't want to live To waste another day Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made 'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside I don't want to fall and say I lost it all 'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall Leaving pieces of me behind Leaving pieces of me behind And I feel like I'm breaking inside I won't be the last one in line, I finally figured out what's mine I don't want to live To waste another day Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made 'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside I don't want to fall and say I lost it all 'Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall Leaving pieces of me behind Leaving pieces of me behind And I feel like I'm breaking inside And I feel like I'm breaking, I feel like I'm breaking inside
 This is a Led Zeppelin acoustic cover, with some of the lyrics edited and changed and added... Me, I'm sick right now. I'm taking a dangerous medication, which makes me quite sick... but I really have no choice... And that's ok... I'll be singing this song to myself, since it's beautiful and it makes me sad... If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me. Kind woman, I give you my all Kind woman, nothing more... Little drops of rain, whispers of the pain, Tears of loves lost in the days gone by. My love is strong, with you there is no wrong, Together we shall go until we die. Inspiration, is what you are to me Inspiration, look and see... And so today, my world it smiles, Your hand in mine, we walk the miles, And thanks to you this will be done, For you to me are the only one. Happiness, no more be sad Happiness, I'm am glad... Little drops of rain, whispers of the pain, Tears of loves lost in the days gone by. Our love is strong, with you there is no wrong, Together we shall go until we die. If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me.
 Would be one of those songs to play on a piano or keyboard in the early evening... skipping the choruses of course... You swear you recall nothing at all That could make you come back down You made up your mind to leave it all behind Now you're forced to fight it out You fall away from your past But it's following you now You fall away from your past But it’s following you You left something undone, it's now your rerun It's the one you can't erase You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight To put a smile back on your face You fall away from your past But it's following you You fall away from your past But it’s following you now You fall away You fall away Something I've done that I can't outrun Something I’ve done that I can’t outrun Maybe you should wait maybe you should run But there's something you've said that can't be undone And you fall away from your past But it's following you You fall away from your past It’s following you now You fall away from your past It's following you You fall away form your past It’s following you You fall away It’s following you You fall away It’s following you You fall away It’s following you You fall away
 I was outside, sitting, watching the sunset and waiting for it to get dark... I watched the fireflies and I had those feelings and desires wanting to be free and just chase them forever... that's when I realized and knew... it's too late and I'm lost. I can't feel myself anymore inside. It just feels so empty... a person who shined so brightly disappeared and probably isn't coming back... And it makes me sad knowing that, and feeling that. Feeling like the one person I've let down time and time again has left, and isn't come back... myself. And it just makes me sad... I've lost what was most precious to me... the person I should of looked after, but took for granted and threw away... I'm just the afterthought that remains now... If I don't say this now I will surely break As I'm leaving the one I want to take Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait My heart has started to separate Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby I'll look after you There now, steady love, so few come and don't go Will you won't you, be the one I always know When I'm losing my control, the city spins around You're the only one who knows, you slow it down Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby I'll look after you If ever there was a doubt My love she leans into me This most assuredly counts She says most assuredly Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby I'll look after you It's always have and never hold You've begun to feel like home What's mine is yours to leave or take What's mine is yours to make your own Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh Be my baby I'll look after you
| Alone | Jun 12, '08 12:55 PM
for everyone |
 This is a poem called Alone. Feeling alone is the worst feeling a human being can feel. Right now, it feels extremely horrible and bad... well, enough of me complaining about things out of my reach and realm... Lying, thinking Last night How to find my soul a home Where water is not thirsty And bread loaf is not stone I came up with one thing And I don't believe I'm wrong That nobody, But nobody Can make it out here alone. Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone. There are some millionaires With money they can't use Their wives run round like banshees Their children sing the blues They've got expensive doctors To cure their hearts of stone. But nobody No, nobody Can make it out here alone. Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone. Now if you listen closely I'll tell you what I know Storm clouds are gathering The wind is gonna blow The race of man is suffering And I can hear the moan, 'Cause nobody, But nobody Can make it out here alone. Alone, all alone Nobody, but nobody Can make it out here alone.
 Twenty years, it's breaking you down Now that you understand, there's no one around Take a breath, just take a seat You're falling apart and tearing at the seams Heaven forbid you end up alone You don't know why Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow You'll be alright It's on your face, is it on your mind Would you care to build a house of your own How much longer, how long can you wait It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away Heaven forbid you end up alone And you don't know why Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow You'll be alright Heaven forbid you end up alone And don't know why Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow You'll be alright It feels good, it feel good It feels good, it feel good Heaven forbid you end up alone You don't know why Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow You'll be alright Heaven forbid you end up alone You don't know why Hold on tight wait for tomorrow You'll be alright Yeah, out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one I don't know how to get you out of this one
 This is a song I've always liked. I never knew I never knew that everything was falling through That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue To turn and run when all I needed was the truth But that's how it's got to be It's coming down to nothing more than apathy I'd rather run the other way than stay and see The smoke and who's still standing when it clears Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind Let's rearrange I wish you were a stranger I could disengage Just say that we agree and then never change Soften a bit until we all just get along But that's disregard Find another friend and you discard As you lose the argument in a cable car Hanging above as the canyon comes between Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind And suddenly I become a part of your past I'm becoming the part that don't last I'm losing you and its effortless Without a sound we lose sight of the ground In the throw around Never thought that you wanted to bring it down I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves And everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind Everyone knows She's on your mind Everyone knows I'm in over my head I'm in over my head I'm in over... Everyone knows I'm in Over my head Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind She's on your mind
 It's a nice late Spring day in the Ozarks today... and this country/folk/bluegrass song by Neil Young makes me happy....ish. I don't feel well at all... and life is passing me by again... Comes a time when you're driftin' Comes a time when you settle down Comes a light feelin's liftin' Lift that baby right up off the ground. Oh, this old world keeps spinning round It's a wonder tall trees ain't layin' down There comes a time. You and I we were captured We took our souls and we flew away We were right we were giving That’s how we kept what we gave away. Oh, this old world keeps spinning round It's a wonder tall trees ain't layin' down There comes a time. Oh, this old world keeps spinning round It's a wonder tall trees ain't layin' down There comes a time. There comes a time. There comes a time. Comes a time. Comes a time. Comes a time. Comes a time. Comes a time. Comes a time.
 Sometimes I almost forget these weary bones. Watching children play in the park Under these old familiar trees. They help me feel the glow of my youth. So many years have fallen between that boy And this ghost I am to you. It’s a bittersweet closing of the blinds, Where the sunlight cast upon the world Dims on the inside. And all the pieces that once made up who you are Fade with the darkness of each love who dies before. Look at me. I’m a lifetime of memories. Looking back so far, so longingly At you my darling. You’re so beautiful in this photograph. In every moment we ever saved. And you were beautiful when you said goodbye Three years ago today. When you’re young, you never believe the story ends. That you’ll one day out-live your fairytales And lay to rest your dearest friends. Tomorrow was my crutch and it collapsed under the weight Of all the things I never said before it was too late. Summer is over and now I feel it in my bones. Alone in the dark. Alone in the cold. The sunlight is a candle Dieing down in the quiet sky. Goodnight dear world. Goodnight old trees. Goodnight, and goodbye.
 Two good Fuel songs... I hope it rains today... I really need it to rain down on me... She calls me from the cold Just when I was low, feeling short of stable And all that she intends And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label She says she's ashamed And can she take me for awhile And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past But maybe I'm not able And I break at the bend We're here and now, will we ever be again 'Cause I have found All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade Away again She dreams a champagne dream Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper Lavender and cream Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her She says that love is for fools who fall behind And I'm somewhere in between I never really know A killer from a savior 'Til I break at the bend We're here and now, will we ever be again 'Cause I have found All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade Away again It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away... It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away... It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away... It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away... It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away... It's too far away for me to hold It's too far away... Guess I'll let it go... Memories are just where you laid them Drag the waters 'till the depths give up their dead What did you expect to find? Was there something you left behind? Don't you remember anything I said when I said Don't fall away, and leave me to myself Don't fall away and leave love bleeding In my hands, in my hands again Leave love bleeding In my hands, in my hands Love lies bleeding Oh hold me now I feel contagious Am I the only place that you've left to go She cries her life is like Some movie black and white Dead actors faking lines Over and over and over again she cries Don't fall away, and leave me to myself Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding In my hands, in my hands again Leave love bleeding In my hands, in my hands Love lies bleeding And I wanted You turned away You don't remember, but I do You never even tried Don't fall away and leave me to myself Don't fall away and leave love bleeding In my hands, in my hands again Leave love bleeding In my hands, in my hands Love lies bleeding
 Hmmmm, interesting song. It's late. I'm actually awake for a change, instead of moping in the dark lonely corner... Heh... Say it to my face Look me in the eyes And say what you have to say You know we can't erase These words before they bind And turn the final page Ah, here comes alone again 'Cause everything's broken Everything's vacant Everything's wasted time again Sentiments, hopeless Innocence, jaded Everything's wasted time again And so we leave this stage And all our best written lines And all the acts we played So, say you want to leave And say we'd never have The way we always hope and we'd cry And say hello to alone again 'Cause everything's broken Everything's vacant Everything's wasted time again Sentiments, hopeless Innocence, jaded Everything's wasted time again Someday we might find (Someday we will find) Some sacred place in time (Yeah, in time) But until then all will share Are dreams we've left behind 'Cause everything's broken Everything's vacant Everything's wasted time again Ahh, yeah! Everything's broken Everything's vacant Everything's wasted time again Sentiments hopeless Innocence jaded Everything's wasted time again Everything's broken Everything's vacant Everything's wasted time again Sentiments hopeless Innocence jaded Everything's wasted time again Everything is broken Everything is wasted time Everything is broken Everything is wasted time
 Or more specifically, my world... Well, the thing I thought may not happen, is starting to happen. My emotions are starting to collapse and it feels like my heart is being invaded by something bad... definitely not good... Another world collides, will we open the door A message to the world it seems like Everyone has a god standing up for what we think we know Do we know? We've got so far to go from here And we've got so much to lose With American eyes, yeah And curious hearts, we've got so much to learn So we find, we find When you kill me, do it slowly When we've come undone When you kill me, please do it slowly Send a message to the world (A message to the world) Another war will rise, will we open the floor Listen to the words it seems like Everyone has a cause fighting for a world we think we own But do we know? We've got so far to go from here And we've got so much to lose With American eyes, yeah And curious hearts, we've got so much to learn So we find (we find!) When you kill me, do it slowly When we've come undone When you kill me, please do it slowly Send a message to the world (A message to the world) Send a message to the world There's so much more to learn There's so much more to live for (So much more to live for) More than we will ever know It's a message to the world Yeah! When you kill me, do it slowly When we've come undone (It's a message to the world) When you kill me, please do it slowly Send a message to the world (A message to the world) Send a message to the world (A message to the world) Send a message to the world Another world collides, will we open the door
 My skies suddenly turn dark and grey, and it begins to rain... cold, still, nothingness... I've seen you hanging round This darkness where I'm bound And this black hole I've dug for me And silently within With hands touching skin This shock breaks my disease And I can breath And all of your weight And all you dream Falls on me it falls on me And your beautiful sky And the light you bring Falls on me it falls on me Your faith like the pain Draws me in again She washes all my wounds for me The darkness in my veins I never could explain And i wonder if you ever see Will you still believe And all of your weight And all you dream Falls on me it falls on me And your beautiful sky And the light you bring Falls on me it falls on me Am I that strong To carry on I might save my life I might save our world Would you save me And all of your weight And all you dream Falls on me it falls on me And your beautiful sky And the light you bring Falls on me it falls on me
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